This is not my case. I am helping out a friend of mine, an attorney, on a restraining order and divorce matter. My friend is an early thirties woman who has, in her own words, acted a magnet "asshole men" since she got out of college. Not sure why is started then, but it did.
This case involves a wife who has had enough with being the husband's punching bag, and just wants to get away from the guy. So she went to my friend, we'll call her Jen, to expedite her escape. I got roped into this mess because Jen is a very good criminal attorney but is iffy on civil procedure questions.
Iffy is a kind way to describe it. But I digress.
The other side has turned what should be a simple hearing into another trip to Volga. They've conned the judge into giving multiple delays while they've subpoenaed everyone in site while hiding the money and conducting a campaign of terror against the client through his proxies.
Isn't family law great?
So amidst all this, we've gotten to know opposing counsel really well. I by letter (since I've done all the letters) and her in person when they've talked. As she describes him, he starts off by insulting our client, then he insults her while proclaiming his client's virtue and announcing that this is nothing more than a shakedown by a vengeful spouse.
Charmer right? But wait, there's more. He is 68 years old, divorced, and has urinary problems (as in he has to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes or he'll lose control). We'll call him Attorney U.
Today, they got to go head to head again in court. They were sent out, the judge reserving decision, with orders to "Work something out!". Eventually they did (about what I figured the result would be and told her we should plan for). At the end of it, this is the conversation that happened:
Attorney U: So that's settled. You will get your client to sign off on it. .. I can tell you are intrigued by me.
Jen: What makes you say that?
Attorney U: I can tell by the way you look at me.
Jen: I have no idea what you are talking about.
Attorney U: How about dinner on Thursday?
Jen: Excuse me? You're joking.
Attorney U: No. Dinner Thursday. You and me. Call me about it.
Jen: I'll call you about the deposition schedule tomorrow.
Attorney U: Great. When you do, you can tell me what time to pick you up.
My friend tells me this. Whats worse, she says now, after he has been such an ass, that she is curious. Hopefully she will let this one remain a mystery.