Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Dancing With The Stars (Or Is This The Weakest Lineup Ever?)

I know that Dancing With The Stars is never going to be a show filled with A-List people, and that's alright. However, there was some anticipation for this seasons where apparently the producers were told they could do just about anything they want to stop filling the rosters with D-Lister has-beens. There were reports that the idea was to get some high profile celebs, even though Snooki's name kept getting tossed around.

So what did we get? We got.....

  • A D-List Kardashian (I mean really, the brother. Not even one of the sisters who headline the trainwreck that is the Kardashians? Instead we get Robert Kardashian who's most notable act is that he cheated on a Cheetah Girl. Woohoo.) He has been paired with Peta Murgatroyd, who is not a newcomer to Dancing With The Stars. She has been on both the Australian and American versions as one of the professional dancers before being promoted. Although with a promotion like this, maybe she'll be wondering if its not the booby prize.
  • A C-List Laker in Ron Artest (yes, an active, striking, NBA player whose greatest moment came when he charged into the stands after a fan he incorrectly believed threw something at him during the Pacers-Pistons brawl back in 2004.) Anna Trebunskaya will have the job of breaking this bronco. 
  • A D-List soccer player named Hope Solo (alright, its a little mean. She is arguably the best known of the US Women's Soccer team but the way we view soccer in this country, that only gets you to the D-List. Plus, there's her little problem with authority - she was kicked off the team once - and then there's the fact she got scored on to lose the Women's World Cup.) She is paired up with Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Given her history of not being afraid to speak her mind, this could go bad quick.
  • Kristin Cavallari who I'm not sure even qualifies as a star. (I mean, really. Her show The Hills is off the air. She's done a couple of guest spots on other shows and had a role in an independent movie that very few people have seen. Her chief claim to fame seems to be that she just got dumped by Jay Cutler.) Mark Ballas ends up with the hot chick again. Perhaps he can make a silk purse of this sow's ear. 
  • Chaz Bono. Famous for being related to famous people and having a sex change operation. Maybe its the fact that I live in San Francisco but that just doesn't seem that exotic. Karina Smirnoff has the task of teaching Chaz how to dance like a man. (Yeah, that's mean I suppose.)
  • David Arquette. Arguably a C-lister. At one time was a B-Lister. Being divorced by a B-Lister. But, he fills their requirement for a recovering addict I guess (see David Hasselhoff and Steve-O). Lacey Schwimmer, rather unsurprisingly, was given this oddball (and I say that in a good way, well sort of). I feel bad for Arquette. He has to deal with Lacey's insanity. 
  • J.R. Martinez, filling a double quota (Soap Opera Dude and Inspirational Man). Cheryl Burke will be dancing with him. 
  • Elisabetta Canalis A D-Lister in the U.S. now that she is no longer attached to George Clooney. Derek Hough returns and is given the model. Hmmmmmm. Was that the price for his return? 
  • Nancy Grace. A D-Lister so inappropriately named (can you really think of anyone with less grace in their makeup?) who seems revel in leading lynch mobs from the safety of her TV studio. 
  • Chynna Phillips. The D-Lister "Christian" celebrity. Oh joy. I suppose she's famous but since last Wilson Phillips album, when has she really popped up on anyone's radar? And she has Maksim's younger brother, Valentin, as her partner. 
  • Carson Kressley. I suppose he wants to tell everyone how to look good naked or something. Oy. Kym Johnson, who I'm sure doesn't have a problem looking good naked, will be tasked by him. 
  • Ricki Lake. Possibly a C-Lister. I can't be too mean. I don't like to be mean. Its just I'm annoyed. Tristan MacManus, another promotion from the ranks of the DWTS professional troupe, has her. Could be interesting to see what these two do since there's so much unknown here.   
  • Ryan O'Neal apparently is withdrawn. He would have been interesting. But apparently his knee replacement surgery recovery is not far enough along for him to compete. His replacement is Carson Kressley.

So that's the line up. Color me so underwhelmed. At least in the past there were people I was interested in or liked. No Olympians. No champions (though Artest has played for good teams). This one. I mean I'm sort of curious about Hope Solo, but not that much.

With a gun to my head, I have to say Hope Solo is my pre-season pick for the women. I know I have her picked to be the train wreck waiting to happen, but maybe. For the men, I have to go with J.R. Martinez, even though he has a few things going against him (he has burns on his face from serving in Iraq, not a lot of name recognition since he's only had 3 years on a soap). However, he's got Cheryl Burke and she knows how to train competitors who can please the crowd and please the judges.

Whether I tune in to this 13th season remains to be seen.

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