I Didn't See Anyone and if I did, I wont say anything...

Posting has been a little light here for a while, mostly because I was gearing up for a few trials. Anyways, I thought I would throw this up in honor of wacky testimony that can come up during a trial. This particular bit came to me via one of the listservs I am on.

Q. And no women that you can recall enter or exit? I mean the frequency you have of entering into that unit is the fifty-year-old man and the seven or eight year old boy, then B standing at the door and I am assuming between the frequency of Mr. BZ standing at the door and the seven or eight year old and the fifty-year-old man entering or exiting, you never saw one female ever. Would that be fair to say?

A. For a period of time, I can't say that I never saw one female ever for five months.

Q. Let's talk about the period from April of 2000 to September of 2000.

A. For that period of time, I can't tell you that I never saw one female walking in and out that building.

Q. But there was no female of any frequency coming to the house; is that correct?

A. Not with any great frequency.

Q. Would you see a female like maybe once or twice?

A. That's possible. I can't recall for sure.

Q. Do you know what the females looked like?

A. What?

Q. Do you know what they looked like?

A. I don't remember.

Q. Anything in particular? Anything particular that made them remarkable or outstanding or significant?

A. No.

Q. What color was their hair?

A. I don't remember anybody specific.

Q. But would you remember like a tall blonde, a short redhead?

Q. Do you remember the color of the hair of the women that came into the the house.

A. I am just saying I won't say I never saw a woman enter or exit that place during those months. But I am not saying I can think of anybody specific.

Q. When you saw the women enter, was there anything specific

about them like the color of their hair?

A. No.

Q. I mean if someone said describe the woman who came in who went to the house, you would just say it's a woman and that's it?

THE COURT: I take it your testimony is, you are not saying there was a woman entering?

THE WITNESS: I am not saying there was any woman entered.

I am saying that I won't say that I never saw one.

THE COURT: So the woman you won't say you never saw, you can't describe?

THE WITNESS: Bingo.

LANDLORD’S ATTORNEY: The woman you won't say you can't describe.

THE COURT: Won't say you never saw.

LANDLORD’S ATTORNEY: The woman you won't say you never saw?

THE COURT: You can't describe.

LANDLORD’S ATTORNEY: You won't say you never saw. I am trying to get this straight.

THE COURT: If you speak Spanish, you can do that real easy.

LANDLORD’S ATTORNEY: Q. How about this. Would there be more than

one person who you won't say you never saw? How about that?

A. I don't speak Spanish.

Q. Touche. But what makes you think there was any women you saw?

A. I am just saying -- all I am saying is --

Q. Yeah?

A. -- that during those months, I saw some people with frequency, and I won't say that nobody else ever went through that door, whether or not I saw them.